Coffee is my body's gasoline...

Please:

2007-01-10T17:36:00.000-08:00

I'm managing a fresh blog: http://rosesandstone.blogger.com

breakingform :::

2006-10-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

 

Last night,
      I treated myself to the opportunity
            to scream at forever…

This is the story:

   I didn’t select a place.  One night I just drove until I stopped.  
I didn’t really have a reason.  I suppose I should have been buried 
in a philosophy book, but I wasn’t.  I needed time for myself, and 
my thoughts.  
   I guess I didn’t exactly find a place to stop.  A stopping point 
found me.  It was quiet, and it was dark, and it was fairly cold, and 
I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  The night was 
beautiful - perfectly shaded so that every tree produced a pitch 
silhouette against the navy backdrop, and as I stared across the 
landscape, mountains were only vaguely visible miles away.
   I stood for a long time.  I tried to take in every single detail of my 
surroundings.  I wanted the cold air to make me shiver.  I wanted to 
remember every branch of every tree.  I wanted to know what it was 
like to be caught in the present - to only be concerned with what 
was happening to me at that point in time.
   Then I started to scream.  No reason.  I just opened my mouth and 
let loose.  I can’t remember exactly how long I stood and poured myself 
into that moment, but I could have been happy there for days.
   As I started to lose my breath, I felt a tear well up in my eye.  So I 
clenched my fists tighter.  I let my throat become raw, and I let my voice 
die out.   Suddenly, that single tear made its way down my face, and 
broke an 11-year dry spell.
   I sobbed.  Eleven years worth of bottled up emotion finally found the 
opening it was longing for, and since then, I haven’t been able to turn the 
faucet off…
   Eventually, I collected myself.  Somewhere along the line I had fallen to 
my hands and knees, so I stood up, and I brushed myself off.  I made my 
way back to my truck, and I smiled.  
            
            I couldn’t have asked for a greater blessing…

A thought.

2006-08-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

 

It's hard to stay afloat,
   with a heavy heart.

Especially when callousness
   deflated the life raft.

To Whom It May Concern:

2006-08-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

 

Dearest Reader,
      Please understand, i’m not content.

Now that Synthetic Truth is the Ticket, and
OUR {PrOcEsSeD reality} is attractively
Packaged, and SHELvEd, next to the:
                       Kraft Easy Mac.

No, you see, dearest reader, it’s hard.for.me.
To fully (((grasp))) that OUR commercialized
world contains an ounce<.oz.>of sincerity
while husbands leave #%black eye love you’s^$
and wives Lock Lips with Love’s golf buddies.

I believe that it’s all societal pornography
for a generation -content with the moment-
without willingness to wait for a meaningful
                          tomorrow.
  
Q: what do we have to be proud of?

With infinite regret and without sympathy,
                          -sam

A: Nothing.

Dissapointment at its best.

2006-08-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

 

shortly before sunset
      i stared:

a young owl, well-versed in 
        
                           flight. 
                      of. 
                 art.
           the.

worked his way across 
      a painted landscape
and dying light illuminated 
      wing woven patterns

To be honest, it was beautiful.

As dusk made way for night,
      my friend gained confidence
and every intricacy of his craft
      grew…

      [Without Warning]

a hyperextension…….…shattered a joint.

his lack of inhibition was suddenly a curse,
      and as he f
                        e
                          l
                           l.
                             .
                             .
                             we were one.

...

2006-04-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

 
Yesterday, a friend and I
     scoffed at life. 

Today, I watched a building crumble,
     and all I could do 
         was lay beside it at ground level.

Tommorow, I'll hope for one more chance to:
     re-member. 
        re-learn.
           re-build.

Short and...

2006-04-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

 

A suicide note, next to an empty bottle of bourbon, read:
                 
                 “HUMAN HOMOGENIZATION LEADS TO
                                 A PROPERLY SOCIALIZED PERSON…”

A Slight Chance...

2006-04-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

 

Feels like rain.
      a cool breeze kiss
             a whispered reminder 

to stop .oOtake a momentOo. or two
 
                brilliant grey skies peer down
    longing to sob
                begging to let go
    so I stare back
                 reclined on overstuffed emotions 
    comfortable – in this moment
                 [caught] between headache
    and heartbreak
 
***waiting for the first drop***
 
to signal that it’s o.k. to .c.
                                       .r.
don’t wait to soak my soul  .y.
       drown current inhibitions  .
              and dissolve insecurities 
                                                      
I’ve been praying for an excuse to let myself be:

w a  s   h    e     d      a       w       a         y…

Hardly a poet in any rite...

2006-01-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

 

An educational institution
fries a beautiful over-easy mind
Leaving room for __________
headless travel/mindless meandering
Blind personal wanderlust
philosophical discovery

TOO MANY QUESTIONS

Deemed time garbage
and a slaughtering of hr.min.sec.
A social worth trade
no thought-provoking bullshit
Lost intelligence
intentionally, impossibly hidden
  
SO SILICONE BRAINS

Fingertip information
shatters social institutions
A fleeting silhouette
a fine-tuned argument
I’m terribly sorry
        we cater to lethargy

MAKE PUSH BUTTON DECISIONS

Ouch

2006-01-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

 

Gently drop: a frosty
                diamond
                      needle

on a broken record imagination
constantly spinning, skipping
leaving a bittersweet bite 
several vitriolic violins
crying out for mercy
ringing in the ears
of those trying
and dying
to escape
it…

And living to e(x)tinguish__it__

Welcome back to school...

2006-01-09T20:10:00.000-08:00

 
So much to let go
     So much to leave by the wayside:
 
- {emotional} Trunks, Carry-Ons, Suitcases, Backpacks

I’ve tried with all my might to ship off 
     everything applicable
     
                           ***lucky me*** 
             they just return to me with the same old tag:

- “Return to Sender”

I can’t seem to find the right address
Or scrawl out the correct combination of
             1) City 2) State 3)Zip

…and somehow, I can’t afford the stamps.

it seems so silly that 37 cents could be...
                                        ...such a nuisance

but you and i both know
the smallest things  are oftentimes
the most difficult to handle

-wHy?!-

i seem to have the most miraculous way
 of fretting far too much
  of wasting time worrying
  
Instead of directly handling a problem.

I tend to dance around .oO it Oo. 

Even though
the last time I checked
a straight line was the quickest way from

A______________to______________B

…and dancing spent far too much energy anyway…

Almost '06

2005-12-30T11:44:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, loved ones, family, and whoever else happens to stumble upon my little corner of the internet. I know it's been quite some time since I have posted a new entry, and I'm very sorry for my absence. Believe me when I say I haven't stopped writing. I've reverted to keeping my thoughts, musings, broken lines, etc., in a conventional journal; which, in some ways feels very safe to me, but in others ways, makes me feel quite cowardly. I'm also fairly frustrated with this blog because it feels the need to auto-allign everything I write to the left margin. Nearly all of the works I have posted, and will post, have dimensional forms that drastically affect the way they are read. The works are set-up in a way that displays a distinct ambiguity, which yields many forms of interpretation. It is quite frustrating for me to have this website stifle the way I write, but I feel very strongly about getting my works out there, so I will continue to post. Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe, happy, healthy, fun new years eve, and I hope that '06 brings about fortune, love, and happiness to everyone. Take care, and please stop back by soon....

"Love is something that can only truly be found blindly..."

...believe me - it's not all sunshine and roses...

2005-11-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

Beautifully elegant, eloquent, soft-spoken slander
Makes an easy job shattering obnoxious social clammer

WARNING: those with weak stomachs – LEAVE

You have permission to slip through the sidewalk cracks without judgment
and honestly, if I were you
I wouldn’t be caught dead…

It could possibly, might be, will be,
time to take a
beautifully violent stance…

Please get angry…
…at least then we’ll know you’re able to be passionate about something.

Dedicated to those this speaks to...

2005-11-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

 
time to ***shine*** young man
it’s your job to help them SURVIVE
emotional russian roulette

just take a moment and imagine 
where that heart to head rush resides
in that spinning chamber

(JUST REMEMBER: a [quickclick] in the right direction
        drives you a [quickclick] closer to them,
         but away from yourself.)


so sit and stare silently
listening ever so carefully before 
pulling the trigger

-NOW-

poise your pointer and open your mouth,
offering one of {6} of your precious escapes
to those who are desperate

-AND-

hopefully they survived round  -1-
        and if not
we’re all sorry, but you’re the lucky one
 (asshole)

if you haven’t put a hole in their emotions/
then continue to unlock those triggered doors/
allowing them to leave/
but leaving yourself inside/
bearing multiple burdens/
on those/ 
shattering shoulders…

it’s inevitable you’ll break eventually
because with each empty chamber wasted
another mind is saved
but you’re pushed one more [quickclick] closer
to a mental holding cell
stricken and deadlocked\ 
with other’s concerns…

So smash your ego, and realize it bears no burden
when you’re gambling with broken mental images

You’re told you’re a good man for preserving nerves,
but in the end, you’re the one paying for their cheap therapy

Now you’re broke, but what does that matter?

The last thing you’ll remember 
is removing the solitary shell from the chamber
and replacing it with a fresh round
so you can start the vicious cycle over

Will you learn? 

-NEVER-

…in the end, you’re just too damn nice…

...doing nothing to save the world...

2005-10-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

 
2 terribly cliché professors argue
about terribly cliché academic
b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t.
just so they can hear themselves power talk
 stroking their ego
 thinking that they’re on top of 
the world
musing about how their wire frame glasses
and their obnoxious cardigans
make them untouchable

publish or perish

but does their tenure protect them
from the venom the child behind them
writes?

Comfort clothing...

2005-10-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

 

My writing utensils give me away,
tattling on me
like the immature child
…I am…

[i’m currently trying to hide from what this taunting apparatus might have to say this time, 
but my downy green hooded sweatshirt offers little solace, 
and does nothing to bury my thoughts from my pen]

[i wish i could hide, or remember how to censor, 
but all that comes through is perfectly discomforting honesty, 
and suddenly, I am left with no choice but to review and divulge]

…and somehow my headphones forget…

…to remind me that everything will be o.k.       
    this time around...

    because maybe it won’t be

…and perhaps I’m fine with that…

What green tea and coffee houses produce:

2005-10-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

 


I'm watering a freshly planted
mnemonic garden
with ridiculous rhetorical devices

miracle grow metaphors,
similes like sunshine

hoping that something will sprout
between the fine blue lines of my
fertile composition notebook

Sometimes I have musings...

2005-10-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

 
(I) feel
      the acidic bite
of the scalding liquid car crash
my textured coffee cup offers
      (me)

I’m lost in 
(y(ou)r) thoughts [games – not for pleasure, but for…
Any number of feelings] felt
need re-e(xxx)amination so
crass decisions die in head on 
collisions,
      and (we) can sleep soundly at 
night
      knowing with our hearts
      that what NEEDS to survive
       lives…oooOOO AND GROWS
so if, and when, there is a future
we can avoid all of this f(us)s
       and concentrate on
[whatever we feel is best at that particular moment]

       fastening our emotional safety belts,
and waiting for our heart’s lap bar
to lock into place
        =securing ourselves=
 from each other’s wreckLESS driving
         and eventually arriving
-no matter how many XXXXXXX detours-
safely at our designated 
         journey’s end
         our port of call
(our next trip will be easier, it’ll be straighter,
shorter, more direct, we’ll tear down barriers,
break through road blocks and have nothing
but faith in each other’s credences)

rubber/asphalt turns frustration in compassion
…and reminds us where we needs to be…
    to understand
        comprehend
            and walk a mile (or 2[or as many 
                  as it takes]
to s-t-e-a-d-y our gasping heart rates
and regulate our pulsating lungs
to take our venomous minds off
         cruise control
and obey each other’s
         speed limits



I have a friend who's poetry inspired me to write for myself
...to publish what I create...please, read, comment, and enjoy
...thank you to any of you who feel that reading this is worth your time
...I'm truly grateful.

Disclaimer

2005-10-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

I have set up this blog so that I can feed the incomplete sentence fragments that I have to the world...because sometimes it just feels better to let dangling thoughts go, and to let everyone know how you're feeling. I'm no poet, but I write poetry. I'm no intellectual, but I like to think I know what I'm talking about. So feel free to talk back...let me know how it is. Comment on what I have to say...be challenging, but not argumentative. Know that I will willingly admit I'm wrong if you can prove me otherwise...and know that if what I have to say hits any chord on any level of your being, I'd like to know. I can only hope that my own silly little corner of the internet will be amusing, at least. I hope that you visit here often, and I hope I have the integrity to post, at least, semi-regularly. Thanks to all who are willing to read....